So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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