We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
