ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
