well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
