Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
