Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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