Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
