Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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