Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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