I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
