if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
