why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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