omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
