My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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