it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
