So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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