how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
