Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
