3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
porn star boner night. come get it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
