I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
