at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
