I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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