dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
