Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
