The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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