3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
