Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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