I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
