can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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