so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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