So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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