We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
