sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
