an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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