I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
