She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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