Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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