i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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