You work out of a Hotel?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
