I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
