I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
