You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
