there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
