Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
