the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
