My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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