Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The struggles of a small town man whore
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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