I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Fuck appropriateness.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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