Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
