i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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