You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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