So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
