apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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