I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
