Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
